Why we should be Happy that Ants are Small.

Ants are vicious little bastards. Anyone who has encountered any of the biting variety knows this well enough, and besides, they're a notoriously annoying domestic hassle. But this BBC story gave me new cause to dislike these bugs. They're sadists on top of everything else. Or at least this kind is.

A fierce species of Amazonian ant has been seen building elaborate traps on which hapless prey are stretched like medieval torture victims, before being slowly hacked to pieces.

That's why I'm declaring today "celebration of elevated status on the food chain day." Okay, that title needs work if I'm ever gonna sell Hallmark on it.

Once the prey is well secured by jaws fastening all its extremities, it is stretched over the platform like an ancient sacrifice to the gods.

I do love how British journalists editorialize. It makes for some, er, questionable reporting on international events, but it's delightful for bug-writing. Sound like a suitably awful way for some unlucky grasshopper to go out? Wait; there's more:

"Small insects will be immediately dismembered and transported to the nest," said Dr Orivel. "But bigger insects will stay on the trap for up to 12 hours.

Ravenous and hateful ants conspiring to torture and kill cool green bug. 

So there you have it--twelve hours of innocent vegetarian bug suffering. Ants are murderously cruel and need the big old Shoe of the Almighty to come down on them. Since the Almighty doesn't seem up for it, you'll have to substitute your shoe. That's right; this is a call to arms. Smear every ant hill you come across; step on every blasted fire ant you encounter. Get out those magnifying glasses and start focusing the sun on them again! Pour Gum-Out on them and light them on fire! Drown them! Stick chewing gum on them and then pull it apart, watching their little ant compartments seperate! Reclaim every bug-killing habit you had as a seven-year-old and never should have let go. Now's the time, before they evolve into the size of dogs and eat us all. Ask yourself: do I want to be eaten by dog-sized ants? I know I don't. So get killing, and that right soon.

You know, I started out with the idea of a serious and reflective post on nature. Somewhere along the way it was highjacked by a wave of silliness. Ah well. Maybe next time.